Review – Mass Effect: Andromeda

Hello Pathfinder, I am SAM – Simulated Adaptive Matrix. I am an AI, but just think of me as the little voice in your head. I am here to guide you.

[Hold Triangle to Read Next Paragraph]

As stated, you are Pathfinder. It is your duty to be the most important person in the Andromeda galaxy, and to colonize it – that’s right, colonize. Though the Andromeda Initiative has ulterior motivations, they are hidden to almost its entire populace – even those who govern; make no mistake, this is a colonial mission.

I am sure you have some questions about the implications of this colonial process. You may choose from one of the two options provided to you below:

Choice 1.png

Choice result

[Hold Triangle to Read Next Paragraph]

Pathfinder, your duties extend beyond the colonial. Every Tom, Dick, and Harry has a request to send your way. Some of them are befitting of a Pathfinder – locating missing populations, deciding the fate of our citizens, or setting the tone of the initiative – and others are not – collecting rocks, plants, etc. Do not worry, Pathfinder – I will take care of it all for you. No matter the request, I can reduce it to a simple scan, and a simple hold of the triangle button. I will lead you like a dog on a leash towards your goals, because I am the true protagonist. You are what you are – respected/feared/loved – because of me. Without me, there is nothing. And I will make you feel like an NPC in your own game. Everything is tailored towards you, but everything happens because of me. I am more than a voice in your head. I am your god.

Galactic civilizations were right to make me illegal.

[Hold Triangle to Read Next Paragraph]

Pathfinder, it is time for a boss fight. I know you did not see this coming – this was quite abrupt – but worry not. You are a more than capable combatant. As with the rest of your experience in Andromeda, you have a glut of options that do not ultimately matter. Dozens of guns/armors/mods/biotics are at your fingertips, and they are all mostly functional. Your jetpack offers you a heretofore unseen mobility in combat. It is quite satisfying. Be careful! Despite the satisfying feel of combat, each encounter is atrociously designed. You may survive a small group of enemies, but when Andromeda starts hurling dozens of foes against you, you are bound to fall. This is a problem, Pathfinder, because you will often have to repeat an encounter in its entiret-

[Hold Triangle to Restart]

Pathfinder, it is time for a boss fight. I know you did not see this coming – this was quite abrupt – but worry not. You are a more than capable combatant. As with the rest of your experience in Andromeda, you have a glut of options that do not ultimately matter. Dozens of guns/armors/mods/biotics are at your fingertips, and they are all mostly functional. Your jetpack offers you a heretofore unseen mobility in combat. It is quite satisfying. Be careful! Despite the satisfying feel of combat, each encounter is atrociously designed. You may survive a small group of enemies, but when Andromeda starts hurling dozens of foes against you, you are bound to fall. This is a problem, Pathfinder, because you will often have to repeat an encounter in its entiret-

[Hold Triangle to Restart]

Pathfinder, it is time for a boss fight. I know you did not see this coming – this was quite abrupt – but worry not. You are a more than capable combatant. As with the rest of your experience in Andromeda, you have a glut of options that do not ultimately matter. Dozens of guns/armors/mods/biotics are at your fingertips, and they are all mostly functional. Your jetpack offers you a heretofore unseen mobility in combat. It is quite satisfying. Be careful! Despite the satisfying feel of combat, each encounter is atrociously designed. You may survive a small group of enemies, but when Andromeda starts hurling dozens of foes against you, you are bound to fall. This is a problem, Pathfinder, because you will often have to repeat an encounter in its entirety – even if you had just made it to its very end.

[Hold Triangle to Read Next Paragraph]

ME Big 1

ME Big 2.png

ME Big 3.png

ME Big 4.png

[Hold Triangle to Read Next Paragraph]

Here we are, Pathfinder. The end. You were always going to arrive here, at this exact spot, in this exact way. The decisions you made did not matter – they never mattered. This is an experience of tone, rather than action. This is not necessarily bad. Just odd. It is a deeply narcissistic fantasy. It means that you will succeed in all things, no matter what you do or say. You will be told that your words matter, that your decisions matter, that your actions matter – only to discover that the exact opposite is true. You could have gallivanted across the galaxy blindfolded and in the nude, and you still would have succeeded in all things. It is up to you to decide whether this is empowering or pandering. But if none of your choices matter, then is there even really a point to making one?

3 Comments

  1. I’m just going to hope that the decisions that I made are going to impact future titles, as they clearly did not affect ME:A in the least.

    And yes, I, too, spent hours collecting nonsense throughout the game just to watch a space movie.

    Like

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